I become a bike Troll

Warning:  I am about to say unflattering, snobbish things.  I could even become down right rude.  We shall see.

Have you ever read Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen?  It's a comedy about the end of the world.  If not, go buy it immediately.  I'll wait.

OK.  So there is a part in there where they talk about Newt's car.  It's called the Wasabi.  It is described thusly:

It would be a very accurate historian indeed who could pinpoint the precise day when the Japanese changed from being fiendish automatons who copied everything from the West, to becoming skilled and cunning engineers who would leave the West standing. But the Wasabi had been designed on that one confused day, and combined the traditional bad point of most Western cars with a host of innovative disasters the avoidance of which had made firms like Honda and Toyota what they were today...In vain did [Newt] point out its 823cc engine, its three-speed gearbox, its incredible safety devices like the balloons which inflated on dangerous occasions such as when you were doing 45 mph on a straight dry road but were about to crash because a huge safety balloon had just obscured the view. He'd also wax slightly lyrically about the Korean-made radio, which picked up Radio Pyongyang incredible well, and the simulated electronic voice which warned you about not wearing a seatbelt even when you were; it had been programmed by someone who not only didn't understand English, but didn't understand Japanese either. It was state of the art, he said. The art in this case was probably pottery.

With that in mind, I give you the Trek Wasabi:
First the glamour shot from the Trek Archive:

Then via my old camera:

Someone tried to make this bike pretty.  It has pink rims.  It has flower decals.  It has pretty coordinating seat and fenders.  Now let's pause for a moment and look at the construction:

Those are some of the ugliest welds I've seen on a bike!

Now, to be fair.  The bike store I saw this at actually sold one between my visit yesterday and today, so maybe most of this bike's target demographic doesn't care about things like that.  It is also only a little bit over $500.  Not a high end bike.  So part of where they save money is on construction

Let's compare to a Soma Buena Vista (images courtesy Lovely Bicycle):

Fully built up the Soma would cost twice as much as the above Trek.  But there is better quality through out.  However, that isn't the part that gets me.  Here is the joinery on a Vintage bike that can be found locally for well under $200:

 

And here are the glamour shots (again, thanks to Lovely Bicycle).

When I had $500 for a bike, I followed this advice and built up Victoria.  And I am happy how she turned out, once I finally got all the squeaks oiled and had T tighten all the bolts for me.  I started with no bike knowledge, the internet and a $5 garage sale bike.  Victoria is a solidly build frame.  I love the new components.  I had planned on getting her powder coated in the future, but it looks like she is going to a new home soon.  I would feel better spending the money they way I did than just buying something new.  Especially since it works out to be about the same amount of money anyway.

Compared to the Wasabi, Victoria has a better saddle, better rims, better tires, the same coaster brake hub and that $500 even got me lighting which this bike doesn't include at all.  That's just the widely accepted ones.  In my opinion she also has better frame and better handle bars.  All the Wasabi has is better paint.  If I had kept Victoria an extra year, you wouldn't be even able to say that.

I think someone at Trek must be on to the reference, because this year it's call the "Cruiseliner" instead.  Still, I still can't help wondering, if the original build team was asked to build something girlie and someone rebelled in choosing the name.  I can't be the only person who thinks it looks.... bad. 

Mind you, who am I to talk?  I spend time on bike forums and blogs reading about bikes I'll never be able to afford and seeing people talk smack about bikes that are nicer than anything I could ever hope to own.

If I had unlimited funds to bikes, my dream stable is a cute upright bike, like a Gazelle Popular 3 ($2000), a zippy road or touring bike like the Sam Hillborne ($3000) and a nice cargo bike like the Onderwater family tandem with the optional cargo basket ($3000).  And maybe while I'm dreaming impossible dreams, a Brompton or Origami bike would be nice too.

If I start saving now, I might just about be able to buy an Origami for Toddler girl at some point.  If I was buying kids bikes again, anyone 4 feet and up would get an Origami with a different seat tube to adjust the seat down.  It would have saved two sets of bikes for the big girls and they would still have an interesting bike at the end that will last them all through university, even if they have to hide it in their dorm room over the winter.